she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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