Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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