i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
