What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
