oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
