Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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