I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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