So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
