I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize