My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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