I feel like abortions should bother me more
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
