He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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