im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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