I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
as a side note pls kill me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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