my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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