I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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