I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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