Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
