last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
