So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
