**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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