i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
