NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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