The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
