I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
