Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
