Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
