So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
