so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
