Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
