i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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