Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
