apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
