is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
