Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
