While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
