I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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