Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
