cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.