Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.