she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.