You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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