i think i have two assholes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?