9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
