the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
