Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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