I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
farters have to be the big spoon...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
