I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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