Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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