Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
