Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
