perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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