I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
