I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
