hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its not stalking. its research.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
