home. puking in laundry basket.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
