So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
