My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
