Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
