thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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