so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize