if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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