you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My feet surprised me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize