make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
