my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
