you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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