If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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