i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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