Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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