So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
