You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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