hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
