Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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