I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you had me at cake vodka
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
