In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
