maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
