Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
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But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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