I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
