Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
