I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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