you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
