it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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