i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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