dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
