My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
