Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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