I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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