Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Still dying that you shit outside
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
