george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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