I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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