my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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