sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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